#25. The end of a quarter.

I didn't just survive this weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment after the first.

The first moment was nervous and shaky and heart-poundy.

[In case you've forgotten, I met Jim's parents (and one set of neighbors) this weekend.]

If I described it as anything besides both needed and good I'd be cheapening the experience with flowery language. I needed a couple of days of unscheduled (semi)activity with easygoing people. Would my natural leanings have taken me southward to Lauren and Ben and Chris and Matt and Travis and Katie and Laura and Ryan and Nathan and his Laura and Jamal and Andrew Sims and hannaH and Emily and Lacey and Kevin and their Ones and everyone else to whom my heart is so intricately tied? Yes. But I was surprised at how comfortable I felt so soon after having met Mr. and Mrs. Hart. 

Jim told me later that they were trying very hard to make me feel at home. It worked.

He also told me that his parents must have talked about me coming to visit. Otherwise those same neighbors would have stayed for dinner when asked instead of going back across the road. Bonus: they overtly approved of me and have since asked when I'll be returning to that neck of the woods.

And woods they are. I never would have pictured anywhere in Maryland looking like that and seeming so similar to where I grew up and where I've lived. It doesn't feel the same though. I will never hesitate to say that you can literally feel the South. You know when you're there and you know when you've left. 

I expressed a couple of my fears to Jim, and I should have known how quickly he would speak to quell them. I needed him to know, to really know, that I am not entirely secure all the time. That I am broken but being mended. I get scared a lot. Fear tends to have the face of apathy, unrighteous anger, false hurt, or simply pretending I am uncertain about a situation. 

For instance: Apathy is ruling my school applications. I'm afraid of not getting accepted (again) or worse, getting accepted and not being able to pay for it.

I've chosen my two writing sample submissions. I need to reread them and edit them. I'm afraid they aren't up to standard. I wrote them in 2010. I think I'd write differently now, but even if I wrote something else, there's no grading system to tell me how well I've done or what improvements are needed. Drs. Volk and Jennings aren't here to alternate praise with criticism.

There's loads more I could say about the weekend. I don't want to. I will however say that if you get a chance to watch Life of Pi, do it. It's lovely.

I will also say that I can't get one of my conversations from Wedding Weekend out of my head. Chris Hunt, if you read this, you should know how deeply I respect you as my first AP, an encourager of my growth, and as a friend. Having you express trust in my judgments and decisions (in my personal life and as they pertained to the wedding) has provided a lift to my spirit recently. Thank you, sincerely.

Happy Tuesday y'all.