#25. The end of a quarter.

I didn't just survive this weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment after the first.

The first moment was nervous and shaky and heart-poundy.

[In case you've forgotten, I met Jim's parents (and one set of neighbors) this weekend.]

If I described it as anything besides both needed and good I'd be cheapening the experience with flowery language. I needed a couple of days of unscheduled (semi)activity with easygoing people. Would my natural leanings have taken me southward to Lauren and Ben and Chris and Matt and Travis and Katie and Laura and Ryan and Nathan and his Laura and Jamal and Andrew Sims and hannaH and Emily and Lacey and Kevin and their Ones and everyone else to whom my heart is so intricately tied? Yes. But I was surprised at how comfortable I felt so soon after having met Mr. and Mrs. Hart. 

Jim told me later that they were trying very hard to make me feel at home. It worked.

He also told me that his parents must have talked about me coming to visit. Otherwise those same neighbors would have stayed for dinner when asked instead of going back across the road. Bonus: they overtly approved of me and have since asked when I'll be returning to that neck of the woods.

And woods they are. I never would have pictured anywhere in Maryland looking like that and seeming so similar to where I grew up and where I've lived. It doesn't feel the same though. I will never hesitate to say that you can literally feel the South. You know when you're there and you know when you've left. 

I expressed a couple of my fears to Jim, and I should have known how quickly he would speak to quell them. I needed him to know, to really know, that I am not entirely secure all the time. That I am broken but being mended. I get scared a lot. Fear tends to have the face of apathy, unrighteous anger, false hurt, or simply pretending I am uncertain about a situation. 

For instance: Apathy is ruling my school applications. I'm afraid of not getting accepted (again) or worse, getting accepted and not being able to pay for it.

I've chosen my two writing sample submissions. I need to reread them and edit them. I'm afraid they aren't up to standard. I wrote them in 2010. I think I'd write differently now, but even if I wrote something else, there's no grading system to tell me how well I've done or what improvements are needed. Drs. Volk and Jennings aren't here to alternate praise with criticism.

There's loads more I could say about the weekend. I don't want to. I will however say that if you get a chance to watch Life of Pi, do it. It's lovely.

I will also say that I can't get one of my conversations from Wedding Weekend out of my head. Chris Hunt, if you read this, you should know how deeply I respect you as my first AP, an encourager of my growth, and as a friend. Having you express trust in my judgments and decisions (in my personal life and as they pertained to the wedding) has provided a lift to my spirit recently. Thank you, sincerely.

Happy Tuesday y'all. 

#24. Conveniently, 24.

I turned 24 on Monday. It was probably the least flat-out celebrating I've done in ever. I was mostly recovering and driving and recovering and recovering.


This weekend was Wedding Weekend. Lindsey Gahan is now Lindsey Black and Andrew has a wife. They are individually lovely, fervently in love, and lovely together. They bring out the tenderness and courage in one another, or rather, they enhance it. 

Now I have some tenderness in my shoulders thanks to the knots that've formed from self-imposed stress. I don't think I took a full breath on Sunday until around 10pm, at which point I was asked what it was like to be having a drink with one of my campers. Calm down. He's now my former co-worker and primarily my close friend. 

There are spans of a couple hours that I don't even remember. Even on Saturday. We truly did hit the ground runnin'. 

Oh yes, we. Jim and I. He got put to work almost immediately. Fortunately he was a good sport about it, and his willingness to serve had the added effect of making a deep impression on everyone. Plus he's funny and clever and outgoing and quirky and smart and handsome and tall. Plus (or minus) he came attached to me. He fit in so well there, loved camp's scenery and people, and loved downtown Greenville as soon as he saw it. We decided that it was designed for relaxation and walked through Falls Park before heading an ugly amount of hours north.

He passed the Look Up test. Extravagantly. I was urged again and again to keep him. I reckon I will, if I'm lucky. 

It was brilliantly and poignantly satisfying to see each of my framily (and family) members. I love them more dearly than I can ever express. What a thing it is to know and be known. 

Leftover information:
Job interview Friday morning.
Non-specific plans to go hiking with Aviva (Ella's speech therapist) and her precious baby Maya and her friend Danica. 
Going to meet Jim's family and friends this weekend. 
I have rice, black beans, and green beans as my food supply at the moment. That's it.
I need to go grocery shopping. 
I want the Summer. Soon.
Jim now knows about this space of mind-expression. Poor guy.
I already miss y'all.

#23. Outdoor Adventures.

Maryland finally decided it was Spring, although for about a week it jumped to Summer.

That was fantastic.

But now it's back to Spring and kinda warm during the day and kinda cold during the night.
(I want the Summer back.)

This awesome weather has greatly lightened my mood and darkened my skin. My Chaco tan is already well on its way to being the best one I've yet had.

The weather has also allowed Jim and I to no longer avoid the outdoors. Wednesday I cooked for us at my apartment and then we went for a walk to see what was to be seen. It was definitely barefoot weather, for me at least. The cherry trees in my neighborhood are more lovely than those in D.C. actually. 

I spent a lot of time this week poking and prodding and hinting to the kids that we should go to the park and play. So far I'm the only one interested in this activity. That's not encouraging for when summer hits in earnest. 

Also why I need a different job. I'm thinking about looking into summer camp employment, since that'd be second nature to me. It just makes me really uneasy to realize that for the second time in my life I'd be giving up a fairly stable job for temporary employment with the uncertainty of employment at the end of the season. I'd have to be spending a large amount of my off-time looking for future jobs. 

Which is what I should be doing now. I really hate applications and resumés and emails and all things related to job searches.

Friday I didn't want to go to contra but I did anyway. God showed me I was just being pissy because I think too much and I haven't had a good cry in several months. I went and had a good time as usual. The joviality involved in that night's memory is helped by the fact that Jim kissed me as we parted ways. It was my first kiss.

Saturday I woke up when I felt like it, took Lily to the dog park for a couple hours, read The Chamber of Secrets for a while on a bench afterward with Lily leashed to the arm of it, went running on a course incredibly full of deceptively long hills, ate, was hopeful but disappointed about the possibility of seeing some Northern Lights, watched The Goblet of Fire and didn't cry like I wanted to, watched this and cried like a baby for a long time, and then went to sleep.

A good day I think.

Today, Sunday, I woke up when I wanted to, took Lily to the dog park for a little bit, then Jim and I went hiking on the Appalachian Trail. That's the Ap-puh-latch-un Trail. Jim insists that it's the Ap-puh-lay-shun Trail, but we all know that trail doesn't exist. Then we ate Chipotle which is always a good decision and came back to hang out at my apartment for a while. He and Lily are close friends now. She likes how strong he is and he likes how silly she is. 

Next weekend we'll be traveling to TR for Lindsey and Andrew's wedding and there are loads of emotions wrapped up in that trip for me. Y'all could imagine what they are. You know me.

I'm tired and sleepy. I'm sure I'll see some of you soon, so beautifully soon!

#22. Springing Spring.

This'll be short and sweet because my computer's battery (and mine, for that matter) is about to die.
It's been nearly a month since my last update. Sorry.

Jim and I are still going strong. Last week we talked thoroughly through our beliefs and we're on the same page, praise the Lord.

I really like him.

He's coming to Andrew and Lindsey's wedding with me in a couple of weeks, which is terrifying. That means spending 18 total hours of car time together, and he'll be meeting my mom and brother and my Look Up family all in one jam-packed weekend. 

Bless him.

Today I got a little sunburned. We went to the Cherry Blossom Festival in downtown D.C. and spent about 4.5 hours or so walking around in the glory of the warm sun and not-too-chilly breeze and looking at flowers and monuments and talking a lot. 

A week or two or something after the wedding weekend I'll be traveling to western Maryland with Jim to meet his parents. Gah! I don't think I'll be nervous until I see their house. Then the reality of it will set in and I might die right then.

I'm looking for a different job still, focusing on opportunities closer to my eventual career goal. At the very least I'd like something in the same vein anyway, even if I don't end up sticking with the same organization or what-have-you.

I love love love love not having to wear a jacket outside! Warmth! Hallelujah!