#17. Frugality and Consumerism.

I want so many things. 

Material things and intangibles.

Specifically, I want cute waterproof warm and cheap boots. I want new running shoes and thermal leggings and gloves. I want pretty dresses and a container to put my coffee into. 

I want to go to  either Wimbledon or the French Open. I want to travel. I want to take dance lessons and voice lessons and tennis lessons. I want to try different restaurants and foods and try more recipes at home. 

I want to meet people who are willing to hang out and do really cheap things that are really fun. I want to be back in school and I want school to be free. I want to be able to do a really expensive thing every now and again. I want to be debt free.

I want to choose my own furniture and dishes.

I've been nearly convulsing under the pressure to spend money. It's not that I don't have a little bit of extra right now, because I do, and I do need boots for walking in the winter. I will need a dress that's beautiful but also practical enough to direct a wedding in. I can go to a restaurant about every other week if I want. 

But I can't. I am unable to justify any purchase sufficiently. I really hate it. I've been shopping a couple times, once with my newest roommate Carla, and found things that I either need now or will need and for decent prices but can't bring myself to buy anything. 

Contra dancing costs money, I understand that. I will probably not be able to afford $40 monthly for dancing. (It was so cold with a little snow on the ground, that only about 50 people were there Friday. Girls were in short supply, so I had each dance lined up ahead of time. That was an incredible and new feeling. Just fyi.)

I don't know how to get out of the choke hold frugality has on my mind right now.

That's all. Sorry this isn't exciting but it's the prevailing tide at the moment.