#11. Hours and Ours.

I cried for an hour today. Loudly. In my car and at work. 

Fortunately for me the Dad is in Israel and the Mom was working at her office and the Kids were at school.

My car failed Maryland's state inspection for the second time today, after repairs were supposed to have it meet specifications.

I was/am also grieving what might have been lost. 

Being in a new place is hard. 

I'm tired of cleaning other peoples' toilets. 

I burst out into a new phase of tears when I saw the disaster area that was the kitchen I had left clean not 18 hours ago.

I'm tired of following other peoples' instructions for child-rearing and child-developing.

I like my job, I do. I just wish the kids were taught personal responsibility for messes and the parents a bit more humble concerning their home.

I really shouldn't be complaining. But this is not what I was made for and I know that even more surely. 

I am built for decision-making, charge-taking, and growth-enabling. I was even told this weekend that should I choose to do so I'd make a great event director because I'm calm and collected but I take control when it's needed. 

I needed this weekend in the South more than I knew. I needed hannaH, Laura, Sydney, Erin, Lauren, Chris, Ben, Travis, Matt, Lindsey, and Andrew. I really needed them. Particularly hannaH and Laura. 

Tonight the Mom invited me to come to dinner at The Melting Pot with them. I did. It was a little awkward because I'm obviously not part of the family with my light-brown/blonde hair and non-Jewish features. It was good though. I had to try to explain to her what God telling me to do something meant. More difficult than I would have thought. We were talking about Liberty and how I didn't originally want to go there. 

More practical updates:

-Spending money on repairs means my chance at a new car in the spring is shot to Hades.

-I'm going to look for a morning-time job to supplement my current income to pay off my student loans ASAP.

-Tomorrow is the first round deadline for AU's MBA LKJSOIE. The last 7 letters aren't relevant to anything. There were so many other capital letters that I couldn't help it.

-Saturday I dump $500 more into my car.

-Sunday I'm going to a church whether I like it or not.

-I feel like I might cry some more in the coming days. Guess who loves that...

-I know this is a season called the worst season called winter and called transition.