#28. Precisely.

This was the Goodreads quote of the day a couple days ago.

"The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also make you lonely." -Lorraine Hansberry

I've known for a while that I'm different, unusual. In Christianese, set apart. I am. God sees me, sees me. He's chosen me for some task, some life, some identity. I've no idea what task or what life. I've an idea of the identity. I feel different, distant from almost everyone I've ever known. Readers, you'll know if you're one of the exceptions. 

I feel alone a lot. Well, more like misunderstood and discounted. Overpriced. Undervalued. Plain out used. I've felt the unfortunate kind of grey for a long time. 

Grey is my favorite color. It complements everything, and yes, I mean complements. It can be warm or cool, the focus or the background. But people tend to make assumptions about it. Grey is not (always) morose or foreboding or practical. Grey is not (always) cold, unfeeling, uncomfortable. 

The same assumptions come with my name and demeanor for some, for about half of my acquaintances I'd think. I am a lot of things. I am not one-sided. 

I am feeling a bit gloomy and forlorn today. I feel alone in my convictions about what church is. I feel alone in my youthful discernment. I feel doubted and cheapened because of my employment and lifestyle and again, my youth. 

But I don't know what it is that makes me exceptional, not really. I have my guesses. I am insightful. I see people clearly. I know what I believe and why. I know Who I believe. My heart longs for truth and real beauty and honest goodness. Some other things probably. 

But it doesn't feel like that adds up to "exceptional."  Does it?