I wasn't sure where to begin, so I changed the colour of the font. That's somewhere, right?
Summer finally came! It's boiling hot and beautiful and sweaty. I know I'm probably the only one reveling in such disgusting weather. I'd rather have to drink a thousand ounces of water and pour it back out through my pores than have to wear a thousand layers and pay a thousand dollars for heat that should come naturally.
The downside is that coffee is uncomfortable. The upside is that wine is more comfortable.
The Family now knows that I'm poking around for a new job. They asked me what my Fall plans were and I couldn't lie about them. It seems they understand but they are also being kinder than normal, possibly in attempts to convince me to stay. It's unnecessary but twice appreciated. Once because it's allowed more convenient traveling for me. Twice because it's nice to feel like they now see my value in regards to my skill with the Kids.
I spent half the day Saturday with Aviva, Ella's speech therapist whom I can now legitimately call my friend since we've seen each other on purpose outside working hours. We just walked about downtown Silver Spring where there's a farmer's/artisan's market each Saturday. I wish I made just a tad bit more money so I could buy my vegetables at a place like that. They look so much better than the supermarket's.
But let's be real. I wish I made more than a tad bit more. I wish I made more thousands than my years of age.
Y'all should read A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken. It's heartwarming and heart-wrenching and a true story. I bawled for essentially an entire chapter. I don't do that. Ever.
I've decided that my mode d'emploi for reading will follow the pattern of fiction-nonfiction-fiction and so on. I need a break from reality in order to contemplate reality. I guess I should qualify the term "fiction" though...Blah. I just mean it's simply a story to be consumed by instead of an idea or historical event/person. Right now I'm reading Surprised by Hope by N.T. Wright. Next I will read The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. Then I WILL FINISH reading The Prophetic Imagination by Walter Brueggemann (if you already have a grounded knowledge of the true definition of prophecy and how that can be a creative/disruptive force in the world, so far I'd suggest skipping this book.) Then I will read The Coalwood Way: A Memoir by Homer Hickam, highly recommended to me by James Hart.
Oh yeah, he's still around. A lot. Which I don't mind in the least. Indeed I'd mind if he weren't around a lot. Which flashed through my mind many times while we were driving to and inside the emergency room a week and a half ago. On our way back from visiting his hometown (read: attending a party, eating good food, watching fireworks, swimming a lot, seeing and feeling natural nature) he had an asthma attack and while he was focused on taking in and pushing out air, I was focused on making sure he didn't have a torrent of tears to fight through also. My mind knew he'd be fine because it's a routine thing hospitals handle, but my heart cried out to God to keep him alive and me from collapsing in fear.
I'd not been so frightened in a very long time. This was an old kind of fear. It was the same brand of fear that, when cellphones first came out with all those health warnings, made me want to get my brain and heart as near to the phone as my mom's was so whatever radiation she was exposed to I would also get. I didn't want to be whole if she wasn't. I didn't want to lose her. It was nearly the same as the experience with Jim, different only in the lack of codependency shown by my health and happiness being determined by hers. I did not wish difficulty breathing on myself, but I would have taken it away from him and onto myself given the chance. I guess he's important to me or something...
Yes, he certainly is. He constantly reminds me who I really am just by expecting intelligent and silly conversation from me. I do hope he does not feel shortchanged by our interactions.
All of the technologies are teetering on the edge of death for me. Computer overheats and smells like hotglue. Cellphone turns off randomly and often won't send or receive messages. Woo.
Anyway. I hope this makes up for my month-long absence. There's little else I could do about it.
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